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"Out of the pain of emptiness there is room for creativity to grow."

My art, writings and songs do not reflect my lifelong struggle with depression.  In fact, you will find an optimism in my work that belies this struggle.  It is, however, an optimism borne out of fierce battles with despair, not just the occasional feeling of being down, rather, bone crushing, ball busting, life threatening mood alterations that make suicide appear to be the only avenue of escape.  The new antidepressants are, for me,a blessing beyond my ability to tell.  They alone can not overcome the full depths of depression:  they do, however, offer a respite from endless cycles of self-deprecation and permit some relief.  This respite opens the door to hope and hope gives rise to a belief that suicide may not be the only solution.

How then does creativity fit into this formula?  I find that painting, sculpting, writing and singing all open windows onto "the real Miles."  Each form of expression offers me an opportunity to fight the killing messages that I associate with depression.  Messages of self-hate, self-negation, feelings of worthlessness and self-contempt are all hallmarks of depression.  In the midst of a depression nothing I do is ever enough, including creating works of art, but the act of creating keeps that door of hope slightly open.

Depression also equals alienation.  There is a feeling of being unlike anyone else.  This separation is felt to be absolute.  Such alienation provides a unique viewpoint from which to observe.  These observations also become a departure from the mundane to explore my creativity.  I have often felt the sense of the inside-outsider.  There is also a sense of being able to take great risks, because "nothing really matters" anyway.  This allows me let go and explore, because there is nothing to lose.  Whatever these advantages, I would not wish a moment of depression on my worst enemy.  Left to my own devices I cannot imagine that I could have survived.  The love and support of family and friends have been vital to my ability to pursue my art.

I feel depression is a war that will never end, but I now believe that with love, support, compassion and appropriate medication, "the real Miles" has a chance of winning.

If you suffer from depression, get help.  Get help now.  If someone you love suffers from depression, do not give up.  Seek help for them and for yourself.  Living with a depressed person can be overwhelming.  Your best efforts to support, challenge and provide comfort are not enough.  Do not let feelings of shame or any stigma of mental illness bar you or someone you love from the life-giving hope that is now available.

If you have questions or comments about "Depression and Creativity" please contact me today.  Thank you for your thoughtful consideration.


 
 
© Copyright 2004 Miles O'Bryan. All rights reserved.